We moved to a new community this summer.
Before the move we (I, We often means me in our family), made lists. List of what our new house needed to have to buy it. What we needed to do to our current home to keep it. Budgets for building a new house. We made pro and con sheets for each community and drove around them getting a feel for them. Despite loving our tiny hamlet and how e
stablished we were, our list and hearts knew that moving would be best for our family.
Honestly, the move, for us as a family has been exactly what we dreamed it would be. More space, less yard work, less stress about Tobin driving and working long hours, more time as a family at the end of the day, living in the same time zone, no early bus rides to school for the kids, less driving in general because we are closer to my family, the cities, and we are now in town.
Transitioning for the move we focused on the positives the change would bring. Of course we are sad to leave our friends and comfort zone, but we are choosing a bigger life for our family, and that is the most important part of our life.
I didn’t realize how lonely I would be. When our daughter cries because she misses her best friend, I feel her pain. I can text my friends and watch their lives unfold on Facebook and Instagram. She is cut off and it is out of her control when she can see them again. I believe she misses her bff deeply, but I also know she is 8 years old and will make new friends. She gets to go to school each day and playing with the other children on our street appears effortless. Being a grown up……… it’s different.
I feel like I am not allowed to morn our old life, because we chose this. I have been feeling guilty that every day I don’t wake up with sunshine’s and rainbows radiating from me.
Our old community knew us since the start of our marriage, they have celebrated with us, mourned the passing of family and cheered for us as we grew. Here no one knows where we came from. Our house isn’t ours, people refer to us as the people who bought “Jones House”. I fear we will live here for years and our house still won’t be ours. People ask to be my friend on Facebook, yet they don’t come over to introduce themselves or invite us into their lives.
I feel like each day I leave our house I am auditioning for a part in a play. I am hoping to be the lead in my own life and to find my place here. I get excited when I have a parcel card in my mail box so I have a reason to go into the post office and talk to the kind lady who works there.
I miss going to the grocery store and knowing where things are, chatting with the cashier and visiting with people. I deeply miss the local coffee shop and the baristas, who knew my order or could guide me to try excellent new things. I miss how friendly the local shop owners are and having them to help me make excellent clothing purchase. I miss knowing what time things are open, or were things are. I miss how predicable my life was and how close I felt to the community and the people in it.
In time this will feel the same. I will forget the lonely first months, I may open my own coffee shop because that was irreplaceable and there is nothing here. (And why does everything close by 5:30?)
For now I will wake up and meditate, write in my gratitude journal, workout, take care of my children and stay to long at the daycare drop off visiting with the staff, b/c they appear to be interested in who we are as a family. I will also find comfort in family and how the move has imprinted even more on me the importance of family connections and that my relationships with them are growing stronger.
As the sun shines on this day I am re-committing to focusing on me and living my best life. I am studying more on habit formation, practice of yoga and looking inward to who I am as a person.
I miss the old life…………………but I am evolving each day to be the person I have wished I already was.