My oldest daughter’s voice is like nails on a chalk board to me. I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know when it started. When she is playing with her brother or anyone and I hear her take a certain tone the hair on the back of my neck stands up and I want to scream. As the loving parent that I am I analyze my thoughts and think “what is wrong with you? That is your angle, your first born…….what kind of parent are you if you feel this way?” reprimanding myself and being aware that my thoughts are not all sunshine and roses, doesn’t change the fact that her tone makes me crazy.
Today I hit my max with her. “What the heck am I doing wrong that makes you talk and acted like this?” What? We have a nice balance of free play, structured learning, quiet time, outside, chores, responsibilities. And yet when I ask her to help me unload the van…… the voice and attitude comes up.
I was hoping I could google a book up for myself that would answer this parenting dilemma I am having. The title I was looking for was “how to rid your child of her sassy attitude while creating an appreciative, strong, thankful child who doesn’t lose her individuality in trying to conform to social expectations.”
There was/is no book. The first 3 things that pop up in the search engine are:
22 things happy people do better
Quotes suggestions from a web site saying;
“Be thankful for all the difficult people in your life, and learn from them. … “Real happiness doesn’t come from getting everything you want. … “Be strong enough to stand alone, smart enough to know when you need help,
No One Owes you Anyting: A Letter From Harry Browne to his Child
it means that no one else is living for you, my child. … When you realize that no one owes you happiness or anything else, you’ll be … If you do, you could lose them. …. He gives his daughter a head start in admitting to her self that some …. a strong sense of social responsibility creates a stronger individual, …
I have spent a lot of time staring at her wondering what is going on, what I have done wrong to have you acting this way. And not until today did it click for me. It is me. She is modeling my behavior…….and wow did it hurt my heart to realize that she may be seeing me this way and just following my lead. There is no book to “fix” her. The owner’s manual that she is following is her mom; and I have let her down.
I expect a lot from her and as the oldest child I feel like she should be leaps and bounds ahead of the other 2. I forget sometimes she is still a little girl. Still learning and growing and looking to me for guidance and care.
This afternoon I told her I am going to stop yelling. I yell when I am too tired to walk over and talk to her, I yell when I am frustrated that I can’t sit in quiet and read, or blog because I need to be a mommy 1st, I yell when I don’t follow thru on what I asked her to do and I am frustrated that she got side tracked, I yell when she is running late, even though she has no sense of time.
From Gretcthen Rubin’s Habits book I have also labeled her as a questioner (like her mom), She wants to know why she is expected to do something. Having this information also helps me when talking to her to realize she isn’t being difficult or sassy, she just needs/wants more information before she does something.
In order to make our house happier I am going to spend the next while concentrating on my behavior towards my children and not just their behavior to each other. How we act and re-act around our children is the foundation of how they will behave to others.
Now being a child with strong executive leadership skills, that is all her and another blog post in itself.
Are your children exhibiting any annoying behaviors that they are learning from you?