This week I turned down an amazing job opportunity. Three years ago had I been made this offer, I would have jumped in, guns blazing. This post would be different, in that I would convince you that Moms can have everything while raising young children.
If we lived by my family to support me and share the care for my family, (free baby sitters, supper at grandmas on Wednesday with left overs for lunch, regular aunty sleep overs, uncle play dates or driving to skating) MAYBE I could do it. We don’t live there and we won’t. This is our adventure, and although our neighbors are amazingly helpful, I am sure they dread seeing me call at times.
If 18 year old Megan could see my life, she would not be impressed. What happened to Me. Where did my drive and courage go? Where is my spontaneity and excitement?
Dear 18 year old me; I have more drive now then I could have imagined. I balance a family of 5. I get up, get dressed, feed, clothe, clean and organize 5 people every day. It takes a lot of caffeine and commitment to show up every day and be a wife and mother. The judging 18 year old only had to think about herself, which makes life a lot easier.
It takes courage to go out in the same dress you have worn at the last 3 events you were seen at. Courage that no one will comment, courage to try and make the extra 30lbs as attractive and presentable as possible, courage to stay out past 9:00pm knowing that the next day is going to suck because the kids will be up at 6:30am. It take courage that only experience can give to know your limits, and make choices that will affect other peoples life’s and offer the opportunity to better the lives of others while keeping the parts that could hurt them to yourself.
My spontaneity is alive and well. Yesterday I bought fancy olives that were not on sale. five nights a week I am coming up with what to feed the people in this house and give them for lunch, when you run out of milk, fresh fruit and vegetables a person is very spontaneous about how to feed children. I didn’t plan to clean the bathroom the day after I had clean it, but the amount of spontaneity in my life and my 3 year old son offers me the opportunity to do things out of the blue I did not plan daily.
Excitement? I am excited by 2 children napping at the same time, my husband doing dishes or coming home before 6pm. I am excited to see my son cut along lines and my baby girl learning words and to walk. I am excited that our oldest daughter can read and is a better speller at seven then I am now.
I used to think that my life was way off course, and be frustrated that my life was not my own. I am at times ashamed that I watch so many TV. shows and am not out experiencing culture and adult conversations.
This life is mine and how I spend my time is not for 18 year old me to judge because she isn’t here yet. She doesn’t know what love is, what passion is, how precious her alone time is.
My step mom once told me that “this phase of life, the one where you have little kids, is the loneliest time.” When I am thru this phase, I will stare at my children and wonder where my babies went.
Each chapter in the story of our lives brings experience, which will help us in the next. Each chapter brings us joy and excitement that we will draw on when we are going thru dark times.
The current chapter I am living stars me supporting 4 other humans. Cheering for them, organizing them, teaching them, loving them and supporting them as they live their lives.
Tobin, Kendall, Rhett and Brylee need me more than any job does, more than any curling team, choir, flash mob, or local bar. Finding time for myself is important for their safety, and my metal stability, that’s a different post.
No dream job for now…………………………… and I am ok.